Tuesday, August 5

this is not cynical or gloomy

A decade ago I walked the path of spiritual and sensual love. It was exhilarating, though when it ended, the affair almost broke my heart - physically!
Now she is pregnant and will marry her mate coming up in September. I never thought much of him in the past, but I corrected my mind in the present and embrace all his follies.
It is just odd how time flies by. I was her mentor once, send her to Germany to embrace a different culture, to learn things abroad. More or less I made her go, though she carries the stamina to do this quite well all by herself. Probably this was one of my least selfish moments in life, to let go, and to know that it is for the other persons good to do so as well.
In any case, I am going to her wedding to deliver my blessings - a journey through geographical space, time and also emotions. A journey to encompass past and future.

When I worked on the island the last few weeks, I stayed with a fisherman who had lost his son due to medical complications. It was his only son (or heir). This happened two years ago, and he is in grief ever since.
It is (retrospectively) a blessing to let someone go, but only willfully - and see that person then thrive and bloom to maturity down the road. The fisherman's loss on the other hand, is undoubtedly severe, while mine was a pathway of transformation and learning.

PS - I usually don't like to gossip about my state of soul too much, sometimes you do have to make exceptions...


lindsaylobe said...

Nice posting Zee, I hope you reveal more about yourself and your life and thought in future postings.

Good that your going to the wedding and I trust your able to renew that special spiritual bond of friendship, this time presumably with the happy couple. By the sound of it it never went away.
Best wishes

Zee said...

You are just too much for me Lindsay!
...by the sound of it.
No, it never went away, and it never will.

Seraphine said...

if you can't 'gossip' about your soul, there is nothing to talk about.
i hope love never loses its sweet taste for you.
loss is loss is loss is an open place in one's heart. but it wouldn't be open if there wasn't something there first.
it's a gift to love someone else.

Zee said...

It is 2AM and I am warming up a calzone from yesterday. Is there anything wrong with that picture Sera?
That taste is cheesy.
But I will promise, the taste for sweet love will never cease.

♥nova-san said...

Ahhh... letting go.. that is something that I have never been able to master, or even manage to learn. It's a part of my selfish nature.

You give us glimpses of your soul, with each posting that you do. You can't say that you don't, because then otherwise this would be a soul-less site, and I know that that is not true in the least.

Zee said...

Oh Nova, sometimes you have to let go in order to win! You from all people should know, after all - isn't that one of the secrets in martial arts?

♥nova-san said...

You're absolutely right. It was my biggest downfall in martial arts - the inability to let go. I've slowly found my way, which makes it that much more grander when I finally become a master of myself.

Zee said...

You are on a good path, Nova-San. I can sense it!

Jim said...

Very moving post Zee.

Love is not about possession.

She is beautiful, and you did exactly the right thing.